Real Housewife of Oak Hill

As Amurrican as Apple Pie

In honor of America Day:

 

Three Wrongs Definitely Don't Make a Right

I actually have some decent stuff to write about, but not right now. Much more important (read: inappropriate, hilarious and/or otherwise frivolous) things to talk about. 

I found out about a little gem of a show watching Carson Daly (today's his birthday!) the other night. You know I've decided that he is actually pretty cool. I had written him off after his stint on TRL. He's grown-up now; knowledgeable and not hard on the eyes in a generic kind of way. Anyway, I caught him interviewing the guy from 10 Items or Less, a short lived show on tbs, that I LOVED! Turns out that guy is one dirty MFer. He has a five minute improvised on-line show called Jailbait that is seriously offensive to, well, everyone. If you're at all offendable, you will be offended, so don't come crying to me when your mouth drops open. (Or you're annoyed by the constant repetition of ads for Bad Teacher. Or frustrated that it lags a little bit.) But by all means do come to me when you laugh your freakin' ass off. I can't get the first episode to embed so... "How to Survive State Prison".

 

In other web news: Way, way back when I started blogging, I wrote about things I should have done when I thought of it. I can now add a subcategory: "Shoulda Been Me". On top of roller derby, drunk cooking should have been my dubious claim to fame. Hannah Hart is my new hero. A friend sent this article by way of introduction and I've already watched all the episodes and ordered a t-shirt. My Drunk Kitchen is laugh out loud funny and not offensive unless you don't like the occasional F-bomb. Makes me miss drinking. I can't decide on my favorite episode so here's a teaser. Probably doesn't do her justice.

 

 

Speaking of kitchens... not really. I think I've died and gone to Heaven. Biscoff cookies are one of my all time favorite things. I used to fly Delta just to get them. Seriously. That was the only place you could find them. At one point I Googled them and there was no stateside distribution. Imagine my surprise when I walked into Central Market the other day and found a wall of this:

I think I let out an audible squeal of delight. It's Europe's favorite cookie with coffee, for cryin' outloud! Not only were there the cookies, but there was a spread which I wrote off until I came across a sample table of it by the Kim's Pop'ems or whatever the Hell those rice cake poppy things are. I spread a glob of it on one and immediately circled back to get a jar. It's 57% cookies. It's made out of cookies! What? Are you kidding me?! They say it's a substitute for peanut butter, but it is no where near as healthy as peanut butter. But it's way more delicious. I'm talkin' "eat-straght-outta-the-jar" delicious. And if you're naked that's your business.

One, two, three wrongs.  All right by me.

Blog, damn you!

I have a blogger friend that has committed to writing every day in 2011.  I am particularly happy about this as I love her.  And I am particularly vexed about this because it holds a mirror to my own inadequacies as a blogger (I use that term very, very loosely.  I have no delusions about it).

I haven't written because I haven't been doing a single thing besides growing a human.  

I have managed to find a few things to pass the time though.  I thought I'd share.

 

The blog, The Foggiest Idea,  by the aforementioned friend.  She also has a book out of her collected musings. She is smart and funny and beautiful.  Check it out.  This post is one of my current favorites.

 

Then there's this.  I am not entirely sure I have ever laughed so hard.  She writes like I wish I could. It's especially fitting since I'm gestating.  So. Freakin'. Funny.

 

I love Michael Ian Black.  I love Tom Cavanagh.  I love snacks.  Put them together... and you have Mike and Tom Eat Snacks.  I'm not sure everyone will like listening to two guys talk about snack foods and the (ir)relevant tangents that arise, but I think it's awesome.  Find it on iTunes and listen in the car.  Note to self:  must buy Crunchy Cheetos...

 

Speaking of Crunchy Cheetos, I have a few Facebook friends that are giving me shit about my food posts since I'm pregnant.  Newsflash, I loved food before I was pregnant, as noted in the now almost defunct dot and cheetah eat (I'm dot).  I also have a sister-in-law who takes a not-so-secret-pleasure in the times she hears about me eating something non-organic.  I am only human.  While I currently have organic, family-farm owned milk, double-fiber whole wheat bread and three different kinds of organic apples in my kitchen, I also have an open bag of Reese's Dark Miniatures, half a Cherry Pound Cake from The Czech Stop and a jar of Silly Cow Farm Hot Chocolate mix.  Since I've become pregnant, I have developed a sweet tooth.  I am not proud of this.  I think it's my body missing the sugars in alcohol and that's a whole different problem.  But it is this craving that led me to La Boite Cafe for a pastry and a decaf after yoga the other day.  It's basically a train car with a window.  And it may be my new Mecca.  The Almond Croissant, heated, was divine.  DI. VINE.

 

And finally this:

It is her favorite toy.  She's a poster child for dog toys anyway, but she has a special fondness for this crazy octopus.  It crinkles when you squeeze it, and if you squeeze it just right, makes this slightly disturbing honking sound.  I re-braid the legs for her every once in a while.  It's pretty cute.  I had gotten one for my sister-in-law's dog for Christmas and had it under our tree.  Georgia found it and ripped it open.  How did she know?!  Had to go get Campbell another one... which he found under their tree and opened it too!  It's dog toy gold!

 

Now go have a good day.  As for me, there's an open bag of Reese's calling my name.

Not a Paid Advertisement

As a housewife, I have decided that it is my civic duty to tell you about products that I can't live without.

If we're Facebook friends, you heard when I fell in love with the Shark Steam Pocket Mop.

I hate to mop.  Just ask my husband.  But aside from just hating it, nothing ever worked!  Ropey mops, sponge mops, scrubby brushes - I've tried them.  They just push dirty water around.  Enter this hot little purple number.  Quick, easy, clean, fast drying - I love it!  I will never go back to a regular mop of any kind.  I just saw there is a "new & improved" one!  Christmas present?  Oooh! And now there is one that vacuums too... and I hate to vacuum.  Say what you will about the zen-like back and forth, I call bullshit.  But that's for another time.

I'm here to talk about my new favorite thing.  Mattress Pads.

I've never been a mattress pad kind of person.  If I had one, great.  If I didn't, no biggie.  When we moved into our new house, we bought a new mattress with a gorgeous ivory jacquard fabric... that our dog loved to climb all over when I changed the sheets simultaneously barking at me like a crazy person.  Two years and hundreds of muddy paw prints later, I'm off to look for a mattress pad.  I start where I always start looking for things - I won't name names, but it starts with a "T" and rhymes with "arget".  They had poly, poly/cotton, foam, feather, heated, waterproof, down alternative - good lord!  I only had two requirements - cotton (my husband is so hot natured that if it didn't breathe, he would literally melt) and not too thick (I have trouble finding sheets that fit even when they say "fits deep mattresses".  Liars.)  I settled on a Fieldcrest Luxury Supreme King Pillowtop Mattress Pad (no link available).

Middle of the road in price, middle of the road in bells and whistles.  Cotton top - they all have polyester backing (did you know this?) and a generous, but not too fluffy pad.  Got home, laid it out, Febreezed it (too lazy to wash it, don't judge.), slept on it that night.

Oh. My. God.

When I pull back the sheets at night, I sigh and wonder what took me so long to get back in bed. When my husband wakes up in the morning, he sighs, rolls over and goes back to sleep because he can't/won't/doesn't want to get out of bed.

It's just perfect.  It does have that square pattern that shows through the sheets in case that freaks you out.  I think of it as sleeping on giant homemade marshmallows.  I love giant homemade marshmallows.

I'm a convert.  Maybe I don't love it for it's intended purpose of protecting your mattress, but I love it just the same.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to mop the floor and go take a nap.